Sunday, June 27, 2010

This is what they meant.

I got a call this evening from home that a great friend of mine was killed this morning in a car wreck or something.  No details.  I just hung up.  I was crying and I don't know the Spanish to explain to my family why.  I just stumbled out into the night and walked to another volunteer's house.  I am so thankful for the friends I have made here that sat with me this evening for a couple hours.  I barely know them, but they know English and I just needed to be able to sit with someone.  I don't have any money so I can't call home.  There are so many things I need to do.  I feel so helpless and far away.  I need to talk to specific people and I just can't. There is no one online right now.  All I can do is talk to this void.  I don't know how I can go to bed.

They told us we would be too far away and things would happen back home and that it would be heartwrenching and impossible and I didn't think it would happen so soon.  Or so awfully.  Please someone tell me what to do now.  I want unconsciousness.  I want this to have not happened.  I want to be home and I don't.  I want so many things.


  1. Sorry, Courtney. Just try to celebrate that person in your mind and have a personal memorial of some sort. Write that person a letter and float it down the river. Or burn it. They'll get it either way.

  2. Oh, Courtney; I love you so much and am so far away to help in any way. You need to muster up your bravest self and think positive thoughts about your friend. Think about the good times and how you will help with the raising of his son when you come home. It is so hard to lose someone you love and it will hurt for a long time. Go on with your plans and keep good thoughts in your heart. Everyone at home will help his family and they know that you are thinking about them. I love you and know that you have friends to reach out to; be sure to do that. Kisses and Hugs Grandma